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How Nuisance got the last laugh

We had a Hereford-Friesian cross steer on our runoff 20 years ago which I threatened with every meatworks name I could think of each time it escaped.
When it heard the tractor start up for feedout time, fences were no barrier. He just ploughed through them all, and usually with a band of followers.
One very wet week Nuisance and his mates somehow got locked on the acre or so in front of the marae meetinghouse before being discovered three days later. They had eaten the flax bushes, topiaried the trees and deposited 14 wheelbarrow loads of manure, which I offered to remove. I also offered to replace two wrecked trees. In reality, when the remaining manure was raked over and washed in, it caused a huge growth spurt - I don't think it was appreciated by the caretakers who had to mow the lawn.
I had toyed with the idea of offering them Nuisance for their freezers, but several didn't have electricity so I flagged the idea, but decided he would have to go to the happy hunting ground in the sky anyway.
We were due to fly out to my cousin's in Tonga and, as he was accommodating the whole six of us, he requested sticking plaster, toilet rolls and please could we manage some meat as well as the 10 tins of corned beef already on the list.
Nuisance was rounded up with his mates and, after a rather nerve-racking attempt by him to jump off the loading ramp, I gave a leap and a punch in the air with a big "yes" as the truck drove off.
The deal was if you sent an animal to be slaughtered and it yielded $400 you could uplift that amount of frozen export meat at Auckland just hours before flight departure. As we were leaving on a Saturday, we arranged for a friend to pick up the five large cartons for us.
She met us at the airport apologising because, as the cartons had been left on the floor overnight when they wouldn't fit in her freezer, they were already thawed out.
We got through customs and boarded the flight direct for Tonga, each nursing a meat parcel. The plane was delayed for two hours and the meat packages started to leak. We relegated them to the floor and this made a bloody mess.
We had an electric sewing machine for my cousin's wife, Tafalosa, and a hand sewing machine to be dropped off at the leper colony in Fiji, which made a large load.
It took two vehicles to get us from Nukualofa Airport to my cousin's house where the meat had to be distributed and cooked to be refrozen. There was much discussion in Tongan about the freezer only running at night, and we started to cook the mince on the gas ring. By evening, we had ten packages cooling off.
The next day I suggested to my cousin the porterhouse steak, if it was from Nuisance, would be tender as, but discovered he had given all except the mince to his wife's relatives. I'm sure I heard Nuisance laughing. It must have been like caviar to them.
We spent 12 days feasting on fish, pineapple and watermelons and left the mince for them.
We had a wonderful holiday in Tonga, then went on to Fiji, where the kids spent their hard-earned calf-rearing money on transistors, cameras and clothes. We ended up buying two extra suitcases.
We left Auckland Airport at 9.30pm on the Sunday as the kids had to be back at school on Monday. With three boys in the back and three of us in the front of our Holden Special, the boot was held down with bungee cords and items were packed in around backseat passengers.
Thirty kilometres from home it rained. At midnight we got a puncture and found we had no torch, just matches with which to find the spare tyre. It was eventually located under all the luggage in the boot.
Just the other day, cousin Paul and wife Ta called in to visit, excitedly telling of their new venture in Tonga. They grow and process coffee from 150,000 trees spread over 15 sharecropped plots making up 40ha. They own a farm and garden supplies shop and clone calla lilies, taro, kumara, orchids and anthiriums for export to New Zealand. They have an agency for Interflora and also do landscaping.
Two years ago, Paul was made the Hon Paul Karalus, the only European in the past 100 years to be a Member of Parliament in Tonga. He's Minister of Transport, as well as holding other important positions.
I've been invited back to those friendly isles of Tonga, but this time I will go minus the meat parcels. D

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